Hugs

How does this parenting thing work?  How do you hold it together in front of your child when you just want to break down and cry?  Middle school, ugh.  Girls especially.  And it's just the beginning,  I hear it gets worse.  Hell, I know it gets worse.  I went through it.  It all just sucks ass.  It's a time in your life that is important because it makes you who you are but at the same time you want to skip right over it all.  Everything I feared is taking place and there is nothing I can do to stop it or shelter her from it.  I have to just sit here and watch it unfold.  How do you watch it happen?


Oh I know you might think I am being dramatic.  I feel like I am being dramatic.  I can't help how I feel.  I feel like I am going through it all over again.  Only this time it's worse because I am watching my baby go through it.  You promise your kids you will always protect them and watch out for them.  And you never want to see them get hurt.  Then you have to sit back and watch them get hurt so they can experience live and become stronger.  So unfair.  But then who ever said life was fair.


You know the timeless story.  There is a girl who is a friend (1), then for some reason she isn't anymore.  So you meet another friend (2).  (1) doesn't like (2).  Then all of a sudden (1) and (2) are friends and (2) dumps you and doesn't like you anymore.   No big deal right?  Tell your kid to hang out with other people.  The problem is, I don't know if there are other people.  I thought there were.  I hoped there were.  But there weren't many phone calls over the summer.  I tell myself it's because people are busy.  I hope it is because people are busy.  Maybe they were doing family stuff.  I hope they were doing family stuff.  Or maybe it's because they call other girls instead.


I don't know what to do.  Is she mean, rude, aloof, odd. . .  She wants a cell phone because she thinks that is why they don't like her.  I tell her a cell phone is not going to help.  And why would she want to be friends with someone if they only want to hang out with her so they can text her?  Why would I want to get her a phone so that she could just be left out in another way?  She could text people and they could still ignore her.


Renee came over tonight and cheered me up.  Told me everything was going to be fine.  She will find other friends.  She is a sweet kid who is nice and kind and fun to be around.  Girls are bitches and she will move on.  There will always be people who don't like her.  She reminded me that Julia is not me.  That she is not reliving my experiences.  She is living her own.  So I pulled myself together and took a deep breath.


This is the first of many nights but they will make us stronger.  They will make me a better mother.  I will be there for my kids and will watch them get hurt.  I will let them experience life and become their own person.  I will always be there to help them back up and give them a hug when they need one.  I will let them fall and find their way so they can become strong young women.